TOTAL CALORIES CONSUMED: 1,540 calories
So, I am officially done with my caloric intake for today. No more eating until breakfast tomorrow morning. I know I can make it. I do have to say that this timed-eating already has me finding out new things about myself. I am having to face myself and my emotional state of mind without the crutch of boredom eating. At times it was very difficult to keep myself from just finding something to put in my mouth so that I wouldn't have to think about anything. I realized that maybe it isn't as satisfying as I thought it was to sit around all day and do nothing. It used to be fun... or at least, that's what I convinced myself. And it's not to say that that kind of day does not have its time and place, but when it's all that I do in my free time, well, it's a problem. I forced myself to shower and get dressed and headed to Target to buy groceries so that I can make my lunch next week and also tiny notebooks so that I can log my food no matter where I go. In my drive to Target, I was confronted by thoughts of unhappiness--not depression, but unhappiness. There is something that is lurking beneath the surface, something that food has been covering up, and I feel like I am one step closer to figuring out what it is.
EDIT: It pains me to admit this, especially since I did so well, but I did go off-plan. I went to visit a friend and she offered me something to drink. I knew I should have said water, but I didn't. I grabbed a root beer. I was in that moment, that decision moment. I think we've all been there: that time when you know that you shouldn't do it, that you are trying to do something new. It was a crossroads and I chose to choose the path that I always choose. And I didn't even really want a root beer that bad. It was probably about 120 calories--I didn't finish it. But still, I never should have started it.
One of the things I think I need to realize is that I need to actually make a sacrifice, make a change. It isn't going to be easy--so the moment it becomes even the slightest bit difficult, I shouldn't bail. I know my body's used to eating more than this, I know it says it's hungry, but it's a lie. Well, anyway, at least I am being accountable this time. Again, one step in the right direction. But I know I can do better.
11:45am - 1/2 Baby Food Squash (approx. 30 cals)
Notes: I tried to eat this before I had to just stop. It was nasty. The Baby Food Peaches are really good, though. I'll have to get more of those and no more of these. Boo.
12:30pm - 1 Cheeseburger Happy meal w/Diet Coke + 2 apple pies (approx. 1050 cals)
Notes: Not the best choice for food, but I do need to go grocery shopping (excuse) and I also was just proud to be eating at the time that I said to. I'll have to compensate with a smaller dinner. I will let myself have a snack around 4pm, but nothing else until then.
So, I just added up the calories for the meal and DANNNNG. I mean, I knew it would be a lot, but not that much! I should not have had the Apple Pies. Those are what are killing me. But even still, that's a DAY'S worth of calories (almost). If I limit myself to about 450 calories for the rest of the day, then I will still be at a good amount. But see, this accountability thing is good because I would have never really known. I knew it was bad, but not this bad!
7:00pm - Lean Cuisine French Bread Pizza + DelMonte Pineapple Tidbits (approx. 460 cals)
Notes: I am proud because I actually did not need the 4pm snack. I did go a little over what I wanted to consume for today, but as I said before, I wasn't really trying to count calories so I think I am good. I am proud because I actually followed what I said I would do, in terms of eating at certain times. I hope I will keep it up because it feels good.
from my original blog at 3FC.
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